Friday Confessions

I am 38weeks pregnant and still don’t really believe..deep down…that we’ll have a baby in a few weeks.

I pretty much have only worn flip flops for the last 9months.

I’ve prepped for natural birth, as much as I can, but most of the time feel completely unprepared.

My mind goes into overdrive at nights and Grant’s is in slow motion. This is really annoying.

In part of my dream last night I was trying to back a motor home out of a parking lot and the brakes didn’t work.

Sometimes it seems like every other photographer out there is honing their craft..studying, experimenting and I am just sitting around doing the same ole’ thing.

I want to dress nice and feel fashionable but most of the time never think about what I am wearing. Product of working from home?

I know very little about vaccinations and have no idea how I feel about them.

I wake up every morning and have to stretch my hands out because they are so swollen and painful.

I need a new hair style BAD but keep putting off cutting it. Do I really want to have bangs again? Why can’t my hair grow faster?

Still haven’t installed the car seat.

I usually have a little whipped cream at least once a day.

I feel guilty when I don’t talk aloud enough to my unborn baby.

I’ve been using the same mascara for almost 2yrs. Shouldn’t my eyes be falling out?

The sheets on our bed bug me so bad. They are always so crinkly! Why can’t they be smooth?

We are heading to Palm Springs this weekend for our “last” weekend away.

I am trying to enforce the no reading for education policy for this weekend, only trashy magazines…but feel guilty because we should be brushing up on birthing positions.

I’ve never felt ready to be a parent. I know I can do it but that is different than feeling ready.

Sometimes when stuff is really hard I will express out loud that this wasn’t the life I choose.

THEN sometimes when life is pretty alright I’ll wonder why I have it so easy.

There is probably nothing I fear more than missing out on a moment by not being emotionally present.

I am 100%Β  happy and confident in choosing a homebirth.

I’m excited to lay on my stomach again.

Naming a baby is hard.

But it’s easy to be excited about another person to love. Loving people is the best.

Please feel free to comment with any confessions of your own.


19 thoughts on “Friday Confessions

  1. I secretly admire everything about you! You will be
    Over the top so connected with this new little one that I worry you will stress yourself out over the little things. You must know that there are not many out there like you. I love you. My wish is that we can have Croque Madame someday in France, even if our tots are all running around us. I am excited for the future. My confession.. Aside from seeing you.. This has been one of the hardest weeks in a long time. And I still have moments when I feel like I’m not smart enough to be a parent and this is after I’ve had four! Ahhh


    1. Loving all these confessions. Keep them coming.

      And Steph, don’t worry about me. These are just SOME of my thought. I have lots of lovely ones too all about how I am going to be worlds most perfect Mother. I think about the whole spectrum good and bad. xo.


  2. The old lady I work with got mad at me for talking on the phone during naptime, which I totally am not supposed to do, and I DON’T CARE. Does that make me a bad person? πŸ™‚

    Also, I love your thoughts. They are so genuine and real and I bet you’ll be a pretty great mom.


  3. First I want to say…. I LOVE YOU!!!!!! You are gonna be a great mom…. And no worries I think we all have felt the exact same way about a lot of those things….. Don’t you love the way your brain works when you are pregnant??? The first time you see her….alll fears will go away….for a second!!,cause the love you will feel will be so overwhelming and wonderful that is all that will matter!!!! As for your hair……. I wish I were there I would give you a rockin new do in a jiffy!!!! Free of charge….. That is how much I miss you and want to see your cute face!!!!!! So my confession is….. When I was pregnant I ate an entire thing of Oreo cookies in ONE SITTING….. And then threw away the wrapper so nick did not see them!!!!!!!!!! Horrible right?!?? NO WAY…… The best day yet….. Can I eat another bag and not feel guilty now????? Oh and my three year old tells me he is going to bust me up?!?! Is there something wrong with that picture?!?! Lol… The joys of being a parent!!! I love you Rach, you are a doll!!! Xoxoxxo whit


  4. I have too many guilty pleasures to confess here. But here’s some encouragement- you will figure it out. The birth, the vaccinations, the sore boobs that may not let you sleep on your tummy still (sorry!)… just ask questions when you need to and trust your own mama instincts.


  5. i had two donuts and cranberry juice for dinner tonight.

    aren’t pregnancy dreams the worst and most vivid? aud and i were just talking about this some weeks ago after she dreamed she was playing tug-of-war with an elephant in the ocean and woke up utterly and unnecessarily exhausted.

    you will be a wonderful, introspective and thoughtful mother. it will be nothing like you expected, harder than you dreamed, easier in ways you could never have anticipated, and more amazing than you ever hoped and imagined it would be. buena suerte, rachel! baby girl totally has it made.


  6. Rachel I think you are fabulous! Yours is the only blog I check weekly because I admire your talent and honesty so much. I have no advise on the overcoming anxiety over becoming a mother…the closest I’ve gotten was with adopting dogs, but I honestly believe that you will be a nurturing and loving mother and really what more could any child ask for? I do recommend vaccinations. I am excited to hear what you though about childbirth at home. I can never find a mascara that I like–it always ends up on my eyelids by the the end of the day. I question whether or not I am I am doing what I love for work/school nearly everyday and wish I had more creative outlets. I fall asleep most nights making plans for trips I want to take and hopefully I will. And I have never found a sugar cookie I didn’t like! You’re going to be great!


  7. You are never ready. No such thing as ready. (My oldest is 17 and sometimes I’m still not ready)

    But it’s the best thing on the planet. Ever.

    and you are hilarious. I love your random Friday confessions:)


  8. I’ve been following you since seeing you on CreativeLive. You inspire me with your dedication, hard work and abilities. Not enough to get out of bed this morning, but still….

    I’m a father of two girls…before my first was born my wife told me she planned to ease back into work by going one day a week. “What will happen to the baby?” I asked. “You will take care of it,” she answered. “But I don’t know how to take care of a baby,” I told my wife. She answered, “Neither do I.”

    I feared those first days with my babies. Ten years later I am not so afraid as I am worried/concerned for my kids, but that’s all part of loving them like crazy πŸ™‚ You will be an awesome mom!


  9. This post is so authentically Rachel. I’m buying this child an outfit tomorrow in Paris. Because that’s what Smith ladies do. I LOVE YOU RACH!


  10. I think I could concur with a lot of these confessions… doing the same old thing, wanting a new hair style, desiring to be more fashionable, etc… My dream last night involved a playground that was no longer in use but had these huge climbing structures and long/ tall slides… you could go down them racing other people. It was really neat and fun. So I am not sure what that says about my real life. Anyway, I love you.


  11. I TOTALLY felt guilty not talking to my unborn babe too. And now I feel guilty if I’m not talking to him enough now that he’s here. In reality, he’s probably sick of hearing my voice.

    I’m SO excited to hear about your birth experience. YOU CAN DO IT!

    This baby girl is so lucky. You’re going to be the best mom.



  12. meant to comment on this one awhile ago.
    i have too many confessions to begin.
    can that be my confession?

    missing your posts.
    just checking up on you.
    baby still in the womb??
    keep us posted, please!!!!


  13. p.s. i totally echo noelle’s comments about what kind of mother you’ll be!! and what a lucky girl this little one is!! did you pick out the name yet??


  14. Dear, dear Rachel…SHE can hear you, feel you, knows you, chose YOU!!!! You are about to meet your new best friend! Your thoughts and feelings are so dear…and normal! It is THE hormonal wild ride for sure…but worth every inconvenience physically and emotionally…You will be the best mom, great teacher, and insightful parent…ENJOY! I will be sending you some goodies SOON…PS…DO NOT cut your hair! I love you…Babby


  15. It’s so refreshing to find “real” people out there. Loved this post. Best of luck with the baby. Be prepared to cry. A lot. And i mean a lot. And it’s going to be way harder than you even think it will be. But it will change you so profoundly you won’t even be able to put it into words. Well, maybe you will because you’re good with words. You’ll love her so much it will hurt. Physically hurt.
    Can’t wait to see her on the blog!
    And good luck with the home birth. You are very, very brave.
    And just an FYI: If you’re planning to nurse, you still may not be able to lay on your stomach. It may hurt, or reduce your milk supply. Just thought you should know. πŸ™‚ I know. I’m a party killer.
    Oh. And I’m sure someone’s already prepared you for this, but no one prepared me…recovery is hard. Really hard. Harder than giving birth. Just be ready for it. And tell Grant that the sobbing is perfectly normal. πŸ™‚
    Don’t worry. You’ll be fine! You’re a very strong person. I can tell.


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