36 Weeks

I keep thinking she was the one who taught me it was possible

and you will be the one to show me it’s endless.

Am I right?

I have done this once before but I know you will need new things. Different things. Things for only you and me.

Right now you are a like a little secret (to everyone but me).

We spend all day together.

You move. I move. You talk. I talk.

I am trying to think good thoughts for us and to only say things that won’t embarrass you.

I know I am your face. I feel that weight.

Not the kind that has built on my hips and my chest but the kind that presses on my heart telling me you are everything.

I worry about all the things I am suppose to worry about and still worry a little bit more about things I know are silly.

Will you call me Mom even if I don’t live up to it?

Know this,

I do not give up. Not on you. Not on us.

Sometimes I whisper to you in my mind thanking you for being so close (and so forgiving).

I need you.

My sweet sweet boy. Only a few more weeks until I can kiss your lips and touch your skin.

You are not a secret to me

but I am ready for surprise.

 She was the one who taught me it was possible

but you will be the one to show me it’s endless.

And I will not be surprised about that.

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14 thoughts on “36 Weeks

  1. So excited for your family! I call Bear “my sweet sweet.” 🙂
    Remember to diaper those little man bits pointed down! Best advice I got, forgot, then very quickly remembered.

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  2. This is beautiful and so are you. Baby boy will be everything and more. I am so excited for this adventure. Boys are awesome! You are a wonderful mother. Know this.

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  3. So touching, Rachel. There is something uniquely special about the love between a mother and her son….as you will soon find out. SO excited for you.

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  4. Awe, I am at 34 weeks, but the gender is a surprise until baby arrives. This is my first, and I know it will be amazing, but I feel like I will miss the internal connection, spending all day – quite moments and busy moving moments – together. I’m so happy for you and your family to be welcoming a boy into your girl centric life 😉

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  5. lovely. such beautiful feelings and words expressed! so excited for your adventure with your little boy… and that’s exactly what it will be, an adventure! i know, because i have four of ’em. 🙂 can’t wait to see his sweet little face!

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  6. I’m 18 weeks along with my 3rd and feel this blog post so deeply. I can’t wait to see your second up on the blog. Get ready for your heart to grow and for love to spill over all over and over again.

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  7. What a sweet post. I had a boy my third try. I had no idea what I would do with a boy. It’s amazing how quickly you learn. My boy had me wrapped around his finger the second my eyes looked at him. It’s funny but he still has that hold on me. Be warned. Your heart will melt in an indescribable way.

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  8. Dang girl! You are good! I had to read out loud to Dave. I love your eternal search for meaning (in all things big and small) and find it inspiring. Sometimes, when I get caught up in “things” I think of you, a sorta WWRTD moment, and perspective is restored. You’re like a mini-Oprah, if you will.

    All the best!

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  9. Love this! So much! You will die at how much you’ll love that little boy.

    Also. I haven’t checked blogs for awhile so I was catching up on yours and found several posts where pictures are all jumbled up. Pics from one post mixed in with pics from another. Not sure it even matters, but thought I’d just let you know.

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